Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
