Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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