I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
