Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
