haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
