I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
