you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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