Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
