All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
