he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
