If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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