i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
