sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
