Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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