The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
