so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
