HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
