This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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