The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
