you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
