I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
