so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
