whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
