im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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