someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
