i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
