it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
