I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
