just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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