just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
