I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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