i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
