Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
