Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
