Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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