im drinking this country out of the recession.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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