I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
