trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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