Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate your face
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
