I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
