Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize