I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
