Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
