sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
