All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
