You're so nebulous sometimes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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