I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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