I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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