He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
