i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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