It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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