he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
