Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
