do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
