remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
