Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
