Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
