Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
