how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We have so much sex to catch up on
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
