well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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