even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
