I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize