3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
