My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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