Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize