The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
