I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
