Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
