her vagine was all disorganized.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
