How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
