:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize