you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
